Homeless With Depression

May 2004.

The countryside....
I've been walking for hours with my heavy pack on. Why ? well its something to do you see i'm homeless and I don't want to sit in the town bus stop all day or even worse go to one of the hostels, where ive heard bad things happen.
Walking into the countryside looking for somewhere safe and away from people is what I do everyday. I got terrible blisters on the soles of my feet as there aren't any innersoles in these boots. When I finally stop its in some woods. I put up my basher (tarp) stringing it between some trees for some shelter. Roll out my sleeping mat and sit down.
Then the darkness comes. Its awfully quite in the woods on your own, I know I'm being paranoid but it seems so dark as well. Right mat back on the bag, basher down and its time to find somewhere more open.
An hour later and I'm next to a wire fence. I've strung up a sort of shelter which is helping as its drizzling and its windy. The light if fading as I boil water and put it into a bottle in a sock to help keep warm. (learnt that in the Army)
The Night passes in a fitful sleep then at first light im up and packing to keep moving. How much more of this I can do I'm not sure, I'm tired o so tired. Maybe its time to go to town..........

This is how I started off when I was first homeless and had depression before I ended up in a hostel. I was lucky that id learnt how to survive outside in the Army, but I didn't know how to survive on the streets. This combined with deoression was one of the hardest parts of my life.

Please email me on lifeweallliveone@gmail.com with any questions or comments

Dom

Working with Depression

Do you ever find that you get a good job and then its all going well, your happy, the money is coming in..........and then boom out of the blue you don't want to get of bed, you hate the daily grind, your not sleeping at night. Yup we've all been there and the end result isn't great. No job and the downward spiral that this brings with it. 
So how do we get round this ?? 
Email me your ideas and experiences.

Non Depressing Quote of the Day

All The Adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing for you.

Walt Disney

Death

You start a blog on depression and your life........and the next day your friend dies. Dont even know how that works.

Curing Depression.........with tea

By now you will have guessed that i suffer from depression. I always have and properly always will. Do i regret this ? Not at the moment i suppose that i have come to accept it as part of my everyday life. Having tried most medications, cognitive therapy and lots of other things, i am surprisingly not on anything at the moment. How ?? Well i drink tea....... not that that's the answer i have just got to the stage where i can see the symptoms and i know the effects and how i will react and what i have to do. (A nice cup of tea does help !)
I will talk about this and my depression in more depth on another post.

Video Time

Stephen Fry on Manic Depression

So true

Quote of the Day

We seek to estimate the future and its bearing on our existence, as well as dwelling fondly on the past or indulging in escapist dreams. - Walt Disney

Heartbreaking

So another day begins, lets go back to April 2004.I was living in a homeless hostel at the time. (rather rough) and I was on all sorts of medication for my depression etc. It was the day before my sons birthday and I had no money. The result I sold my mobile phone. Know all this seems ok until I tell you that the next day on my sons birthday my dad tried to call me to see if I was ok (I wasn't) and wanted to go to his house.
As I didn't have a phone I never got this call. I only found out weeks later when I finally saw him. This still upsets me now and also makes me see that one small act of reaching out to someone you love to check that they are ok can have a huge effect.

And i was born

10th November 1980, dinner time. I am born.

Maybe that's why i eat so much my mum jokes that i was born at dinner time as i was hungry. So here is the start of things. Me being born into a nice middle class family one father check, one mother check still together check after one hiccup,(my mum calls it her walkabout year) one sister check (we will come back to these people).
I had a normal upbringing insofar as one can when they are raised on the seen but not heard rule. Yes i had to stand on a footstool and recite my times table and alphabet or get a smack, yes i got a smack for misbehaving, yes i had a chain on my door so i couldn't leave the room if i'd misbehaved. (all out of love ?) but parents being parents did try there best in their own way.
I mean I was spoilt, expensive toys, new moped when i was 16 new car at 17 private school the list goes on. The end result of this ? Me leaving (well ok kicked out) of home at 17 due to drugs and the old man having a break down. But here i am 15 years later and still around.

Back to being born, god that must have been painful for my mum i've seen my son be born and owch in a word comes to mind and that was a cesarean so none of this tearing stuff.

I grew up in a good environment (take what you will from being locked in my bedroom) and i know that they tried there best but i was always an awkward sod as a kid. Classic case of ïf he applied himself he would happily be a A star student but as it is he seems content with with cruising along at C level". Well didn't the teachers realise there was more to it than that i mean there were girls to act awkwardly around, friends to impress and rules to be broken. I was trying to live my life not learn about life.

As they say hindsight is a wonderful thing...........if you enjoy regretting things that you've done in the past.

The Happy Brain

Life we all live one

Life, We all live one

List of things done

Been Born check,

had a short lived childhood check,

served in the army check,

tried to kill myself check (twice),

properly tried to kill myself check (once),

self harmed check,

smoked check,

drunk check,

drugs check,

high iq check,

common sense debatable check,

disowned parents for 10 year check,

turned 30 (surprisingly) check,

fucked check,

made love check,

fallen in love check (more than once),

lusted after someone check,

suffered from a mental illness check,

been in a psyatriatric ward check,

played sports check,

been obsessed by things check,

had a kid check, never see my kid check.

Abused check,

bullied check,

bullier check,

witty check,

homeless check.  

Dad tried to burn himself to death check,

 

 

Welcome to my life...